I've been thinking a lot about boyfriends lately. Considering I haven't had a real boyfriend in over a year is kind of sad. To me anyway. In high school I didn't date a whole lot. Only 2 guys were officially my boyfriend. Jimmy who just wasn't ready for a commitment and Ryan who I loved deeply and believed he was my soul mate. Until that came crashing down a year from January. Ryan and I always stayed friends. We hung out yesterday, just at my house watching tv in my livingroom. I realized how much I missed him. But I also realized that I missed the old him. He isn't the same anymore. He's not the person I fell inlove with in high school. It's hard to admit that but it's true.

If I could have anyone in the world to be my boyfriend I really have no idea who that would be. I do like my brothers friend Joshua. He's always been nice to me and we've been really good friends. But he's in Michigan at med school now and there's no chemistry between us. He just thinks of me as a good friend. And I don't mind being just good friends with him. I just wish I could find someone for me. Who I can talk to, cuddle with, just watch movies with, go out to eat with. I feel so lonely. I feel like I have given up on love. Well at least until now. I really do want a boyfriend again. But not to just have a boyfriend. I want to find my soul mate. Sometimes I wonder if he is ever really out there.